


My Disorder, My Compulsion, My Obsession

by Blind_Squirrel



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drinking, M/M, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Serious Injuries, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-15 00:30:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5764798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blind_Squirrel/pseuds/Blind_Squirrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe Dameron has tasked himself with the uphill battle of settling Finn in after the events of Starkiller base. </p><p>With the world against Finn at every turn, Poe struggles with shifting priorities and the burning need to keep control of a situation that he has no prior experience or knowledge to know how to deal with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Injury

War doesn’t always take place on the battlefront. 

Poe Dameron knew that for damn sure. 

When you take a person, any person, and station them far, far away from home and you separate them from their family, childhood friends, and everything else that they’ve ever known while adding a good portion of death and battle stress… well, those people, they begin to make up new rules and news way to deal with what has now become their norm. And that new reality… it’s not always healthy per say.

You’ve got long months of preparation and planning, which are only ever interrupted by short uplifting victories or devastating battles. And no matter the outcome, you’ve got to somehow continue on as if everything were normal. Always ready, always in preparation for the next big offensive, defense or recovery. 

It’s an old story, one that soldiers, sailors and pilots have long had to find various ways to cope with the various stresses of war. To find that “something” to help keep their mind off the fact that the guy next to you might not be there tomorrow, or worse yet, you might not. 

You could always count on training to keep your mind off of things. Heck, you could train all day long if you wanted, and you probably would if the Chain of Command had their way. Working out at the gym, perfecting your shot on the range, or performing drill after drill in an attempt to alleviate the long doldrums in between fighting. But you can only train so long before you get burnt out, and not even the higher ups want that. 

Then there’s the most popular way to deal with stress, “Fraternization”, or what most people would call “honest to goodness ol’ fashioned love ‘em and leave ‘em sex.” 

And if that didn’t do it for you, there was always the option of momentarily losing track of where you were or even who you were by drowning in a bottle of the nastiest, strongest drink offered at the local mess to make you forget… well everything. 

And that last option, the drinking, well that was Poe Dameron’s favourite by a long shot. And he’d never chosen that option more than he had in the last three months. 

Three months since the resistance’s tide turning battle that had crippled the enemy and destroyed the Starkiller. 

Three months since Poe had managed to get anything remotely close to a good night’s sleep without the help of some liquid courage. 

And more importantly, three months since his ridiculous, idealistic, fool hearty, self-sacrificing idiot of a friend had landed himself in a coma that Poe was honestly beginning to think he’d never wake up from.

Poe slammed back another shot of hard liquor, a specialty from some planet in some star system that may or may not have claimed to make the ‘best’ of whatever it was selling. 

And as the course liquid snaked its way down his dry throat with a cool burn that provided far more relief than it should have, Poe could only wonder how he was going to go about the day ahead of him. 

Thinking of anything else was a path he did not want to go down. 

If he planned it right, he’d wake up before dawn, like he did every morning. He’d brush the stale taste of whatever he’d been drinking the night before out of his mouth before running his tired hands through the mess he called his hair. 

Poe would then prepare himself for the highlight of his day by making his way over to the med bay in order to visit Finn. He was normally there long before the sun or anyone else had even thought to rise. 

It was always his favourite time to update Finn on the current events of the day or even gossip from around the camp, if he had any. 

In the morning, there were no distractions from the doctors or nurses, other than the non-judgemental med-droids. No one to try and chat him up and ask him about any interesting missions he may or may not be doing in the near future. Or to inquire about ‘that one time he did that one thing that was too amazing to be true’. Often times it was untrue. But Poe still didn’t want to talk about it either way. 

In those quiet morning hours, there was no one to try and broach the subject about moving Finn off-planet in order to get some more ‘sustainable’ care. And most importantly, there was no one to walk non-discreetly by his wounded friend to try and get a glimpse of the ‘enemy’. To gawk at what an actual stormtrooper looked like under the mask, or to wonder out-loud if keeping one on base was really such a ‘great idea’. 

Poe had long stopped participating in those arguments in order to stop them escalating to the next level. Instead, he’d decided to make his trips a more a private affair. And honestly, it almost felt like Finn was actually listening to him when they were alone, just the two of them. 

Once Poe was done updating Finn on anything and everything he could think of, and then a few things more, he’d open the window up for his friend to let in the fresh morning breeze. Then Poe would head outside for a run through the forest while the air was still somewhat crisp; before the heat overtook them all. Poe would run as fast and as hard as his lungs would let him, only stopping to perform body weight exercises intermittently to keep him in ‘fit fighting form’ for his X-Wing. It never failed to escape him that most of his morning runs would consist of him sweating off a good portion of the alcohol he’d consumed the night before. 

The rest of the day would be spent in a blur of training, briefings and repairs. 

And then without fail, every evening would end up with Poe eventually nursing back a drink in the officer’s mess long after the other pilots had had their fun and gone off to bed. 

Which would inevitably lead him to where he was now, carelessly stumbling his way to the med bay from the mess for the second time that day, but this time to say goodnight to the only damn person on base that he knew would really appreciate it. ‘Cause Finn deserved this, he deserved the only kind words anyone was bothering to offer him, whether he knew it or not. Finn had seen Poe at his absolute worst, and yet only ever saw him at his best. The least Poe could do was return the favour. 

Poe walked up to the dark bed placed alongside its many empty sisters lining the med bay walls. They were all lit up by the vast array of medical equipment, each emitting a variety of noises that seemed an insult to Poe as Finn lay as silent as ever. 

Seeing Finn’s chest rise and fall as he peacefully slumbered away brought an unbidden smile to Poe’s face and somehow managed to relax him far more than the alcohol currently running through his system ever could. He carefully sat down on the edge of the bed and reached over to apply some warm pressure to Finn’s covered knee. It was the only contact he ever allowed himself these days. 

“Hey buddy”, Poe’s voice slurred more than he’d intended, but he carried on anyways. “Missed you at dinner tonight… again. You’re gonna keep losing weight if ya keep skipping meals.” His eyes naturally drew themselves down to the IV innocently attached to Finn’s dark skin. The liquid appeared to glow from the reflection of the machines and illuminated the muscle mass that was starting to deteriorate along Finn’s immobile arms. 

Poe tilted his head back and let out a long sigh, part frustration, part release. “I’m not gonna lie, I’m absolutely dying to get off this base. My skin’s startin’ to crawl from being here too long. But we gotta lay low apparently. Regroup, plan… wait it out. Plus well…” Poe paused, more for himself than for his confidant’s sake, his tone revealing the seriousness of his comments “I don’t really trust the day nurse around here. His parents were killed by stormtroopers. In fact.. most people’s something or the other were killed by a stormtrooper”. Poe’s voice turned melancholy, worry for Finn colouring his every word. “Best I stick around for a bit I think”. 

He smiled again as he patted Finn’s knee a bit firmer this time, giving it a little shake for emphasis. 

It was probably a testament at just how used he’d become to his silent one-way conversations that Poe startled violently back when a small groan of pain escaped Finn’s dry parched lips at his touch.

Poe immediately shot off the bed and leaned over Finn’s head in order to examine him for any further signs of distress.

“Hey Finn, buddy, ya ok there?” Poe looked around in all directions, calling out frantically for the night droid to alert the medical staff immediately. 

He leaned down to check Finn’s pulse despite the futility of the effort when a machine for more capable than him was doing the same thing at that very moment over its patient's head. 

Finn’s eyes fluttered open briefly before abruptly closing and cringing in a display of pain. “ummuhh”, he groaned in a raspy voice that was clearly out of use. He murmured quietly to himself and didn’t seem recognize that anyone was there with him. “I don’ feel so good.” His voice trailed off as another spasm of pain washed over his body. 

Poe practically sobbed out loud as his face split open into what could only be described as a shit-eating grin. “S’ok, you’re gonna feel a whole lot worse when those meds wear off, I promise you that”. And despite the dire foreshadowing, a laugh escaped his throat as he clung to his friends forearm with one hand, and to the bed with the other. 

Activity soon swarmed around him as lights were turned on and the medical staff joined him in their assessment of their previously unresponsive patient. Finn made no more attempts to communicate, although it was clear that he was now conscious and coming to grips with the new and spectacular pain coursing through his body. 

Which was fine by Poe. Pain was good, pain was plenty good. Pain meant you could feel, and feeling meant that a lightsabre that should have severed Finn’s spine had missed the mark. Pain was about the best damn thing Poe could ever have wished on his friend in that exact moment. 

And despite being pushed back further and further away by a flurry of medical staff, he let out a triumphant holler that barely registered over the cacophony of noises that now overpowered the room. 

The Stormtrooper was awake, and Poe… Poe needed a shower.


	2. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn begins to heal despite things not going as originally planned.

From Poe’s perspective, Finn’s awaking marked a rather positive change around the entire camp. All the anxiety and fears that had been dragging Poe down since Jakku had suddenly evaporated; and instead, were replaced with a sense of purpose and a new drive. 

Ok, so that wasn’t strictly true… or accurate; but it certainly felt that way to Poe. Every last detail surrounding Finn’s recover was a heavy load off of his mind that gave him something very positive with which to focus on. 

The hours that he had previously spent at the officer’s mess were now entirely consumed with constant medical check ups with Finn, handling any and all of his administration files, and doing everything in his power to get his friend out of that damn sterile med bay as soon as humanly possible. 

With Rey and Chewbacca gone off to find Luke Skywalker, Han Solo dead, and General Organa offworld working with the other Resistance bases, Finn had unwittingly found himself with only one ally left on the entire planet… Poe Dameron. 

In a perfect world, well... in Poe’s perfect world, everyone on base would easily discover what Poe had managed to figure out in just mere seconds; namely, that Finn was someone you could trust with your life. But apparently this was where he and all his fellow resistance fighters differed in opinion, and Poe could barely understand why.

Here was this guy, who within hours of learning that everything he had ever known his entire life had been a lie, had broken his conditioning and formulated a half assed plan to save himself and a man he didn’t even know without a moment of doubt or regret. 

He was also the kind of guy who didn't even hesitate to face his greatest fear of returning back to that very same place within days after his daring escape, just to save a friend he’d only met the day before. 

Finn was without question the kind of guy who very foolishly wore his heart ridiculously exposed on his sleeve. And he never, absolutely never, gave up once he’d made up his mind to do something. 

Apparently Finn’s drive and determination even included to carrying on with his painful recovery, even after learning that he was not, nor would ever be as operational as he’d once been before. 

During the last countless weeks, Poe had spent all of his free time working with Finn in an attempt to help rebuild his shortened range of motion. The sessions had often been intense and at times altogether off-putting for Poe, and tended to produce a deep mix of both pride and inappropriate thoughts as he helped Finn to work his muscles to exhaustion. 

Poe would often have to step back under some false pretense or another in order to regain his composure or to hide the sudden mild shake in his hands. These were the only times during Finn’s entire recovery that Poe ever really had to restrain himself from running right out of the med bay and straight back to the mess hall to order himself a drink.

But despite all of Finn and Poe’s best efforts, and despite D’Qar being in possession of some of the best medical equipment Republic money could buy, Finn had none the less still lost a good portion of his mobility that he was simply not going to get back. 

He was currently confined to the use of crutches, which in itself was a huge improvement from the wheelchair he’d been forced to use over the last month of his recovery. But the truth of the matter was, this was about as good as it was going to get for the former trooper, he just was not going to get the full use of his legs back… ever. 

And this was a big problem for Poe, and for more reasons than just his selfish desire to see his friend's recovery. 

Currently there was an entire base of resistance fighters that had already decided they no longer had a use for Finn. The former Stormtrooper had no more secrets to share now that he had divulged what he once knew of a base that had since been destroyed.

Furthermore, resistance fighters were very loyal and militaristic in their very natures to begin with, some even formally trained, like Poe, by the Republic Armed Forces. The very idea of turning against your brothers or sisters in arms on a moment’s notice, even if it was for their benefit, made most fighters think twice about putting their own faith in this stranger. Finn was literally surrounded by hundreds of people that did not trust him further than they could point their blasters at him. 

And it had been absolute hell trying to keep that fact from Finn because no one was being very subtle about their distrust of the 'turncoat' at all.

Now whether or not Finn had caught on to all this was a whole other matter of internal debate for Poe. If Finn did know, he was doing one hell of a job not letting on. No matter how rude the nurses were, or how many restrictions they placed on him, Finn always greeted everyone with the same charming smile and continued to put 100% effort into anything and everything that was asked of him. 

Poe had not heard Finn complain once, not one single time! 

Just that afternoon Poe had walked into the med bay to join Finn for lunch only to discover Finn off by himself, obediently snacking on some leftover crackers from supper the night before. The med bay lunch service had yet again conveniently forgot to bring Finn’s his meal for the third time that week. 

But Finn had only laughed at the server’s ‘forgetfulness’ with a shrug that all but said “whatcha ‘ya gonna do?”, before happily accepting some of the food off of Poe’s tray. 

And so when now, as they are just about to depart the med bay for good, and Finn looks up at him with those damn big brown eyes full of absolute trust and asks “So... what next?”

Poe can only stall… because he actually doesn’t know the answer to that. 

Poe smiles back with that crooked smile that he knows he has and throws Finn’s meagre belongings over his shoulder as they finally exit the pristine environment of the med bay. 

“Well I don’t want you to feel too spoiled after staying on D’Qar’s most comfortable medical beds.” He jokes. “So I’m afraid I had to cancel the big move into the Commanding Officer’s suite. You’re just going to have to slum it with me in the Officer's Quarters.”

Finn snorts out-loud and rolls his eyes at Poe, a sight that can’t help but warm Poe to his very core and fuel his convictions further still. “I doubt that very much, Commander Dameron! If they treat you pilots half as well as they did ours in the First Order, you’re probably set up with the best and biggest rooms on base. I bet you don’t even eat with the enlisted men.”

Well, Poe admits to himself, that part was certainly true. He couldn’t argue that one even if he wanted to. Finn was right, the Pilots did get the nicest rooms, even if they did have to usually share amongst themselves. And officers always drank or ate separately from the non-commissioned members. It wasn’t usually something Poe gave much thought to, although he’d been thinking about it an awful lot lately thanks to Finn. 

Finn, of course, wasn’t an officer, he wasn’t even enlisted. So he technically wasn’t allowed in Poe’s section of the compound, even for a visit. And he certainly shouldn't be allowed to stay the night… any night. And, as Poe was reminded on a daily basis, this was a front-end deployed unit, the pointy end of the stick so to speak. They didn’t have the time, the resources or the intention of making it a safe vacation spot for a recent enemy-turned-supposed-ally to take his time to recover and learn who knows what. 

But it was an argument that Poe had managed to win against all the odds… at least for the time being. He’d had to use up one of the few silver bullets he had left in order to so, but he hadn’t even hesitated to do so because the alternative just wasn't worth considering. The Base Commanding Officer had allowed Finn to temporarily move in with Poe as he recovered, but only if he was under constant surveillance when not locked inside Poe’s quarters. But even Poe knew that this was the only special treatment he’d be getting. This arrangement would only last as long as it took for the new batch of pilots to get to D’Qar, and the stars only knew how soon that could be. 

Worse yet, Poe’s initial plan of enlisting Finn into the resistance had just gone out the window thanks to Finn’s injuries. There was no way he could be a marine now, and even a gunship gunner needed to be able to use their legs once they landed. Finn was medically unfit to join the resistance at the front end. And if Finn was still a civilian by the time that transport came, the Colonel was well within her rights to send Finn back out with it. And that… well, that was just not a possibility for Poe. 

Poe was simply going to have to think of something by then, heck, he always did. But for the time being, these were not things that Poe was planning to burden the still recovering Finn with. He had more than enough adjustments and shocks to be dealing already.

The walk back to Poe’s quarters was slow and arduous thanks to Finn’s need to rest often. Poe cursed Finn’s stubbornness in attempting to walk all the way back by himself as much as he admired it. 

Finn was a proud man and he took great efforts to always perform at his best. Even the short pauses along the corridor were only at Poe’s insistence when he saw Finn about to keel over a few times. 

Poe offered to help steady him during the walk, but he wasn’t surprised at all when Finn declined and instead kept to his own steady pace even as the sweat beaded down his forehead and he scrunched up his face a few times in order to try and hide the tell-tale signs of pain. 

When they finally reached his quarters, Poe kicked the door open joyously and looked over at his friend with a huge smile that he’d been once told could charm a Rancor. 

“Well”, he asked Finn as he excitedly waved around the dim room. “Waddya think?”

Finn cautiously crept forward to examine the room in its entirety, his crutches catching the door ever so slightly as he entered. 

“Is this… “ Finn started. “This is your room then?” There was a hint of uncertainty that was etched into his words as he glanced around the surprisingly spacious and tidy room. His eyes only stopping to briefly focus on some of Poe’s possessions that were laid out neatly on top of his drawer, or to examine his flight suits and boots that were lining the walls. 

Poe licked his lips, momentarily caught off guard. He’d been expecting Finn to be a bit more in awe of the impressive living conditions normal people got to use when compared to whatever Finn had grown up with. But the usual reverence in Finn’s voice was strangely missing. 

Poe forced the same smile back onto his face and shifted his weight over to his other side to get a better look at Finn; who was now awkwardly nudging a pair of Poe’s work boots with one of his crutches until they were lined up neatly up against the wall. 

“Well yeah, as you said, we pilots get the best rooms next to the higher ups.” Despite his normally confident exterior, doubt was beginning to creep into Poe’s voice “Was your room back on your old base nicer than this?” 

Finn suddenly seemed to realize how he must have been coming across, and his entire demeanour changed in an instant to the perpetually optimistic and happy exterior he'd been presenting up until now. 

“Oh No!” Finn tried to stand taller, or as much as he could with the crutches hindering his every movement. “No!” He repeated stronger this time. “Our rooms were half this size, and eight of us shared four beds in two shifts.” Finn offered an awkward laugh to go along with his comments, his way of trivializing his unusual upbringing. But as always, it only managed emphasized how odd Finn’s previous life was to the one Poe knew. 

“I honestly can’t believe my luck.” And that smile that always managed to disorientate Poe just a little was back in full force. “I’m finally out of the med bay, I have my own set of clothes now and I even get my own bed! It’s a lot to take in.”

Even though Finn’s reactions now were more in sync with what he’d initially been expecting, it was hard for Poe's excitement to rise back to its initial level. He really wanted to believe that Finn was happy with the decisions that Poe had made for the both of them up until now, but if Finn wasn’t happy with something, Poe also wanted Finn to be able to let him know. He wasn’t sure how someone could always be that positive or optimistic all the time, but then again…. that seemed to be just how Finn was. 

Poe gave his spacious quarters another quick appraising look and felt that at the very least Finn wasn’t lying about the room being up to par. Earlier that day Poe had cleaned up the room as much as he could during his work schedule before Finn’s arrival. His efforts were an embarrassing indicator of just how much he’d wanted to impress Finn. On D’Qar, keeping any surface dirt free was a huge accomplishment.

The room easily allowed for two double beds to be positioned on either side with separate desks, lockers, and windows lining the walls. They had their own on-suite bathroom, which was a luxury that again only the officers got to experience. Most soldiers on base shared bunks with four to a room down in the basement of the compound. The even had to share the common showers, which would have been an almost cruel experience to make Finn suffer through in his current state. 

“Well, let's get you set up then! My bed is on the right, and you get the one next the window. Figured you probably didn’t much of a view on Starkiller Base.” 

Poe placed Finn’s only possessions in the entire world on top of his new drawer, and then did his best to resist helping Finn as he awkwardly shuffled into the room, settling himself down onto his new bed.

Finn continued to examine his new living arrangements with a wandering eye, but his inspections slowed down somewhat as he stopped to wipe his hand along the night table, a trail of dust following his hand as he did so. 

Poe saw Finn’s dismayed look and tried to prevent it from worsening in any way. “Yeah, that’s the problem with working in a tropical forest. Dirt gets everywhere. I should know! The planet I grew up on was even worse than here. But I give ‘er a sweep once a day, and do my laundry every week and well…. home sweet home.” Poe smiled warmly, but his attempt at humour was only met with a weary nod from Finn. 

“You know… “ Finn started, not even bothering to hide how overwhelmed, tired or the pain he was in. "I think I just need to get some sleep if that’s ok with you?”

“Right.” Poe couldn’t have agreed more wholeheartedly. He rummaged through Finn’s bag to find all the required meds he’d need in order to get that good night of sleep he so badly needed. 

It was a good indicator of just how tired Finn was that he didn’t even hesitate to take the offered pills or to stop Poe from helping him remove his shoes like he normally would have. He then gently laid himself down onto his bed without even bothering to go under his covers, his eyes immediately closing as his head made contact with the pillow. 

The sound of Finn’s soft breathing soon filled the quiet room as his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. Poe stopped what he was doing and simply leaned back against Finn’s dresser, running his hands through his unkept hair as he let out a breath of air to calm his nerves. 

The desire to pop out quickly to grab a drink to steady himself flittered back through his mind, but it was easily overcome by the much more pressing need to be by Finn’s side at that very moment. 

Poe truly had no idea how he was going to make this work. Everything was so precarious at the moment, so close to ending so very badly. But as he looked down upon his friend’s face, finally relaxed and pain free in his drug-induced sleep, none of that really mattered in the end. Poe knew it wasn’t even a question of “if” made this work… just how…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was always meant to be a multi-part. I just messed up the format when I published chapter 1. 
> 
> The rest of the story is already written, I am just editing it as I go along. 
> 
> Hope you are sticking along for the ride :)


	3. Concern

The next morning was a welcome change to Poe’s schedule. Finn was still asleep, which wasn’t a bad thing at all, as he still required a lot of it in order to heal properly. 

Poe took the opportunity to head out for his morning jog, and upon his return even went so far as to shower outside of his shared quarters down in the common rooms so as not to disturb his temporary guest. On his way back to the room, Poe took the time to pick up some easy-to-swallow breakfast food in the form of a very unappetizing looking porridge for Finn, along with some protein for himself.

He returned to his room just as the morning light was beginning to stream in from the barely functional drapes, lighting a path along Finn’s fully clothed chest as it rose and fell in a quiet and reassuring rhythm. 

As Poe gently closed the door behind him, he took a moment to soak in the peacefulness of the morning air and couldn’t stop the smile spreading along his face.

Despite everything that had happened and all the things that had gone so horribly wrong up till now, Finn was still alive, safe and now recovering where Poe could keep a watchful eye on him. 

In the somber morning hours, nothing seemed quite as dire as it had the night before. 

Adjusting his flight suit, Poe quietly placed the porridge onto the desk next to Finn’s head, along with water, his medicine and a short note citing the various ways in which Finn could get a hold of him if he needed him for any reason at all. 

ANY reason!

Finding no other excuses to stay back any longer, Poe finally exited the room to head towards the flight line for the routine maintenance on his craft, only stopping for a brief moment as he heard the lock click firmly into place behind him. 

****************

Repairs and flight checks were always long and tedious at the best of times, but no more so than that day. Several times during the morning Poe had made attempts to sneak off and check up on Finn, but each and every time he was stopped from leaving by some genuine small emergency that had to be dealt with, or the disapproving beeps from BB-8, who was always horrified at the idea of leaving a task unfinished. 

By the time lunch rolled around, Poe had to point blank tell the flight techs that he had a patient to check up on, but that he’d be back as soon as he’d ensured both he and Finn had been fed properly. 

Poe reluctantly took note of the various disapproving looks that passed from pilots and techs alike at his declaration, but there was nothing he could do about it for the time being. 

He understood their distrust, and he also knew how hard it was for them to put their trust in a man that they saw as a potential threat to not only themselves, but everyone that they held dear. It was all too easy for Poe to say that Finn had given up everything he knew to be by their side. But everyone on base also knew that Finn had not originally wanted to join the fight against the First Order, and had only fought on Starkiller in order to help rescue his friend, yet another outsider. 

And a small part of base (or more likely large part) truly believed that if Finn could turn his coat so easily before… he might just do it again when things weren’t going the way he liked. 

While Poe took every opportunity to brag about the amazing things he knew his friend had achieved, it did very little to raise Finn in their esteem. 

Guilty until proven innocent. 

Racing back to his room with a brown paper bag containing his lunch clutched his teeth and a hot thermos full of soup for FInn, Poe could barely contain his excitement and anxiety to hopefully see Finn in a little better spirits today. 

He knocked gently on the door to warn Finn that he was back, before gently opening the door with a broad smile plastered on his face in greeting. That smile quickly turned to a look of confusion, and even quicker to a one of worry. 

Poe dropped the bag of food he’d been holding, with the thermos falling not far behind it as he surveyed the nearly impossible sight before him. 

His room was spotless. And by spotless, Poe did not mean tidied up or put in order, no… his room had never been messy to begin with. He meant that there was not a single item out of place or indication that a human being had even been sleeping in the room just hours before. 

The bed sheets were pulled taught, magically missing any crinkles and folds from the night before. The floor had been scrubbed within an inch of its life, and now shined in a way that Poe hadn’t even known was capable on stone. 

The unused power cords were all unplugged and carefully wrapped around their respective electrical owners. The windows conveyed no sign of grime, dirt or even of use. And any and all loose items had been placed well away and out of sight. 

And Finn.. Finn was nowhere to be seen. 

The last mystery solved itself as a small muttering was heard from the direction of the bathroom. Poe wasted no time in running to the open bathroom door but stopped short when he got a good glimpse inside.

There, kneeling on the ground with an ice bucket full of soapy hot water, a washcloth in one hand, and the small bristle brush Poe used to clean his nails in the other, was none other than a very wounded Finn scrubbing furiously at a tile on the ground that appeared to be permanently stained. 

Poe’s lips alternated between opening and pressing tightly in an effort to voice… something. But Finn appeared completely oblivious to any and all the noises that Poe had made up until that moment, instead quietly whispering to himself with his brow creased in deep concentration or worry. 

His motions were methodical, but there was an intensity behind every stroke, a determination to rid the bathroom of its one remaining impurity. 

With no small amount of fear, Poe noticed that Finn’s fingers were cracked with fine red lines starting to appear, a testament to how long and how hard the young man had been cleaning. 

Poe tentatively dropped to his knees and placed his hand over the one Finn was using to hold the nail brush. He held firmly and with determination as Finn jerked suddenly in realization that he was no longer alone. 

As if waking from a trance, all previous signs off worry dropped off from Finn’s face and his lips split into a welcoming smile. “Poe! You’re back!” He exclaimed.

Finn attempted to sit back onto his heels, but his body betrayed the pain he was in and the movement proved too much. He instead rolled over onto his better side, his left hand only just managing to keep his chest from falling to the ground. 

Poe didn’t hesitate to steady his friend and tried unsuccessfully once more to formulate words. Disbelief, worry, anger, these were all emotions that tried again and again to make their way past his lips. But all he could do was look around the room to verify its reality, then back once more to Finn to shake his head in disbelief. 

Finn easily picked up on the awkwardness of the situation, and he let out a sad breath of air before dropping the make shift cleaning supplies into the bucket. 

Using the toilet seat and Poe as leverage, Finn made a bid to stand without his crutches. 

“I guess I didn’t realize how much my injuries would slow me down. I wanted to get some work done before you came back... “ he looked around disappointingly. “It's a start anyways”. 

Poe finally found the words he been trying to express, and with great effort he kept his voice calm and devoid of the panic he was feeling. “Uhhh Finn… I‘m really not so sure you’re supposed to be out of bed right now… maybe this all could wait until you’re feeling a bit better… or I could…”

Finn’s delight in seeing Poe evaporated in an instant, and a discouraging hitch in his voice made itself known. “No Poe… you can’t… I can do it! I was almost done anyways...I...”. He released a frustrated puff of air “I just.. I couldn’t sleep any more. I just needed to....” his voice trailed off again with utter dejection and disappointment. But what he was disappointed in, Poe really wasn’t too sure. 

Poe’s bit his lip in the nervous way he did when trying to hold his tongue. He merely nodded in what he hoped looked like understanding and whispered. “Ya… I know”. Even though… he really didn’t.

Without asking for permission, he led an unprotesting Finn back to his bed to sit down. 

Once Finn was safely settled, he walked back to the bathroom to retrieve some painkillers from a perfectly sorted cabinet and a fresh washcloth soaked in warm water. He came back to Finn’s side without uttering a word and gently brushed the cloth over his hands in a semi-useless attempt to clean the red cracks that now appeared in quite a few different spots along his hands, before gently passing Finn some pain meds.

Finn dutifully swallowed them dry without asking for water and settled back into his bed in a somewhat seated position that was either a show of fatigue or submission.

Once Poe was sure that Finn was not going to cramp up from overuse of his muscles, he backtracked his steps to pick up the discarded food off the ground, placing them on Finn’s night stand. 

He then retreated to his own perfectly made bed and sat down with thump, almost regretting the action as the hospital corners loosened and shifted from his rapid movements. 

Running his hands through his hair, Poe swallowed thickly as he tried to approach this the best way he could think of it. “You know, I’ve got lots of books to read over there” Poe noted, pointing to a small book shelf that of course was now alphabetized. “And give me a day or two and you’ll have more holovids than your heart could desire. Whatever you need… just let me know. I know it's boring in here, but I promise we’ll get through this.” Poe tried his old tried and true lopsided grin, and was relieved to see a small smile grow in Finn’s eyes. 

The moment was broken as Poe’s alarm began to beep incessantly, letting him know that he was required back on the flight line. “Hey, I gotta get back to work… but ya know… take it easy… we’ll be putting you to work soon enough, you have my word.” Finn’s smile faltered, but he nodded his head in some form of agreement. 

It was enough, or would have to be for now, because Poe didn’t have any other choice but to abandon his post here and head back to work. 

 

***********

Back on the flight line, Finn was never far from his mind, and because of this, Poe somehow managed to make quick work of his afternoon. He was done in record time, which allowed him to once again grab some quick take away food for the two of them to avoid an unpleasant trip to the mess. 

He tried not to appear rushed on his way back to his quarters, but the desire to jog or outright break out into a sprint was just as tempting as he knew it was ultimately unnecessary. 

Finn was a grown man who was used to a very active life that had never had time for breaks or convalescent leave. Of course he’d try and make himself useful in the only ways he knew how. Heck Poe would probably have done the same thing in his shoes. 

But despite these somewhat comforting thoughts, as he unlocked the door to his quarters for the second time that day, there was absolutely no acknowledgement from Finn the other end, his homecoming was once again completely ignored. 

Poe didn’t even bother to fake a smile this time as he gazed over at Finn, who was sitting up on his bed, entirely in a world of his own. 

Finn did appear to have taken the afternoon at a lighter pace, but he had certainly not been idle.   
A quick scan of the room revealed that Poe’s sheets were once again pulled tight, showing absolutely no signs of when Poe had pulled them loose during lunch. 

Finn currently held what used to be one of Poe’s old tattered work boots in his lap, and was systematically polishing it with the boot polish normally reserved for his dress shoes.

Just like last time, Finn was paying an abnormal amount of detail to a particular spot that appeared to be giving Finn troubles, but to Poe, it looked just like the rest of the perfectly polished boot. 

Poe managed to watch for some time in silence without being noticed with absolutely no effort on Poe’s part to hide his appearance. Finn just continued to polish the exact same spot on the shoe over and over and over again. 

Never quite happy with what he’d produced when he examined the shoe from a distance. He would then mutter something that Poe could not quite make out, before dipping the cloth once more back into the small black tin and recommencing the cycle all over again

It was at this precise moment that Poe finally allowed himself to admit what he'd been trying to ignore unsuccessfully up until now. They had a problem, and Poe didn’t think he was going to be able to fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I swear the whole story is written, just need to find time to edit. Maybe the title is starting to make more sense....


End file.
